Trimesters and Tribulations

TRANSCRIPT

Hi, I’m Noah. This summer my wife and I are having twins. It’s June! We’re in the home stretch! So I’m gonna try to do a Vlog every day this month. Hey, I might as well use my free time while I have it.

The third trimester is not as much fun as the second.

Those of you who have been pregnant or are close to someone who has know what I’m talking about. For those of you who don’t … let’s talk. And I have a lot to say, so I’ll talk fast. Transcript on the blog.

So a nine month pregnancy can be divided into three equal trimesters. And they really are noticeably different.

The first trimester is marked by a lot of weariness. The woman isn’t showing yet, but her body is devoting most of its energy to getting these babies launched and it leaves her pretty exhausted. To give you an idea, the day after we found out she was pregnant, Amanda ran a half marathon. By about two weeks after that, she couldn’t handle one of her standard two-or-three mile runs. Then, of course, once we found out it was twins our doctors told us Amanda should basically stop all forms of exercise beyond light walking, which was fine by her because Amanda hates running. Why, you may ask, would she run a half marathon if she hates running. Well, in fact, last fall she ran two half-marathons and a 10K, but that doesn’t mean she enjoyed it. Amanda just likes having a project. And she kinda has a new one to replace the running.

First trimester is also when you get the nausea and the cravings. I was kind of bummed that Amanda didn’t have the crazy food cravings like you get on TV. I was really hoping I would be making late night runs for garlic pickles and marshmallow fluff, but basically she just had an increased sweet tooth … sugar being, of course, the one thing you DON’T want to get more of during pregnancy. Thanks, chemistry.

Amanda certainly did suffer from nausea. She cooked pretty much our whole Thanksgiving dinner this year, but just as we sat down to the table, she suddenly got repulsed by the whole affair and couldn’t eat anything. But I’m a dutiful husband, so I ate it all myself. Hey! I was eating for four!

On the other hand, second trimester is a freaking breeze. Yes, there’s weight gain and you really start to show, but you have your energy back, you’ve adjusted to your body making all kinds of changes. Now if you go on an Internet message board about pregnancy and you mention how the second trimester is a piece of cake, you will get bombarded by women telling you how awful and painful their second trimester was.

Nothing against these message boards. They’re a great resource and the people who post on them are usually great people who want to share wisdom and experience. But once in a while, these things can turn into “Oh, you think you had it bad? Well, wait till you hear what happened to me!” contests.

And, hey, okay. I’m sorry it was rough for you. I’m glad you got through it. And I’m very happy I don’t have a story to enter into your little contest.

You see, Amanda is really, really good at being pregnant. Remember, day after we learned she was pregnant – half marathon. Every doctor’s appointment we had was great. Her weight was good, blood pressure was good, babies were right on schedule …

Then the third trimester hit.

Don’t worry, this is not about to turn into a horror story. Amanda’s third trimester has not been any bumpier than the average twin pregnancy. In fact, it has been considerably less so. But we did learn that Amanda was anemic, which we had expected for a while, so she’s taking iron pills. The first day she took them she emailed me to say “Iron pill poop is just like a New Yorker’s wardrobe. All black.”

Then there was the concern that she has gestational diabetes. I have no desire to build up false suspense, so I’ll tell you that she does not have it. And if she did, it’s something that can be controlled pretty well through diet. But in order to prove that she did NOT have it she had fast for about 16-18 hours and, as Amanda put it “You know what is a fun thing to do to a pregnant woman? Tell her she can't eat for 16-18 hours.” Then she had to drink this bright orange flat soda with more sugar in it than Willie Wonka’s wet dreams then get blood drawn once an hour for four hours. The drink itself made Amanda feel like she’d been punched in the face by the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Then four needles!

And then there’s swollen hands and feet – Amanda is wearing her wedding ring on her watch band these days. And it’s impossible for her to get comfortable in bed. And her hands keep falling asleep. And she’s short of breath. And Baby B thinks it’s hilarious to kick her in the ribs.

But we’re not in any rush for it to end. Keep on cooking, you two.

Bye.